Raising Confident Kids: What Helps And What Hurts
‘Behind every child who believes in themselves is a parent who believed in them first’ - Matthew Jacobson
Every parent dreams of raising a confident child. One who believes in themselves and has the courage to chase their dreams. But confidence doesn’t look the same in every child. Some are naturally bold and outgoing - some are quiet observers, building their self-belief more slowly - other kids might seem overconfident or even arrogant, masking insecurity under a loud exterior.
True self-confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room though. It’s about inner security, the belief that "I can handle this." It’s not boastful or intimidating and it’s certainly not avoiding challenges or giving up easily.
So how do we actually help build confident kids?
It’s tempting to look for a one-size-fits-all answer, but parenting rarely works that way. Still, one powerful place to start is by being aware of the things we might be doing - often unintentionally - that holds our kids back.
🚫 What Can Damage a Child’s Confidence?
1. Criticizing Mistakes Without Teaching
Mistakes are learning opportunities, not character flaws. When kids mess up, how we respond matters. It’s not just about what we say, our tone, facial expressions, and body language all send strong signals. Instead of saying, “That was wrong,” try “Let’s talk about what happened and what we can try next time.”
2. Limiting Their Independence
Kids want to try things—even if they’re messy or don’t work the first time. Whether it’s a toddler painting with their fingers or a tween wanting to run an errand, denying these chances tells them, “You can’t.” Instead, allow them the space to try, fail, and try again.
3. Dismissing Their Joy
When a child is proud of something, even a scribbled drawing or building a block tower, share in their excitement. Dismissing it can quietly send the message that their efforts don’t matter. Celebrate their pride, not just the product.
4. Giving Up Too Soon
We’ve all been there, watching a child try (and fail) to tie their shoe laces over and over again. It’s tempting to throw in the towel and buy Velcro. But by us giving up, they may learn that they should too. Sticking with them teaches persistence and shows that challenges are part of the process, not a reason to quit.
✅ What Builds Real Confidence?
Now that we know what to avoid, here’s what really helps build lasting confidence:
1. Use Positive Language
Even when correcting your child, use words that separate behavior from identity. Instead of saying, “You were bad,” say, “That wasn’t the best choice.” Keep it constructive and kind.
2. Let Kids Be Kids
Let them explore, create, take risks, and mess up. This is how they learn who they are and what they can do.
3. Recognise Effort, Not Just Success
Children crave being seen. You don’t have to offer constant praise, but do notice when they have tried hard, stayed focused, or overcome something tricky. A simple, “I saw how hard you worked on that,” goes a long way.
4. Don’t Quit—Even When It’s Hard
Yes, repetition is exhausting. Yes, you’ve explained how to tie those laces a hundred times. But every try builds resilience and belief. Your persistence models the kind of confidence you’re hoping to grow in them.
The Bottom Line
We all have days where we snap or fall short. That’s normal, you’re human. What matters most is how we move forward. When we model emotional awareness, talk openly about mistakes, and stay committed to our child’s growth, we send one clear message:
You are capable. You are worth it. And I believe in you.
‘Believe you can and you’re halfway there’ - Theodore Roosevelt
Peace & Blessings,