Supporting Neurodivergent Children with Routines
Routines are a powerful tool. By adulthood, many of us rely on them to stay organised, reduce stress, and manage our daily lives. A well-established routine can bring a sense of predictability and calm, which contributes positively to our mental and emotional well-being.
For neurodivergent children, however, routines - while beneficial - can present unique challenges.
As parents and carers, we’re all familiar with the common struggles young children (ages 4–6) have when following a routine. Mornings might start with resistance to waking up, misplaced belongings, or dawdling through breakfast. Evenings can be just as difficult, with pushback around bath time or bedtime.
By the time children reach the middle years (ages 7–10), we often expect them to settle into routines more easily. But for neurodivergent children, that’s not always the case. You may find that they still display behaviours commonly associated with much younger children.
Neurodivergent children - those with ADHD, autism, or other neurological differences - often experience challenges related to executive functioning. This might include difficulties with focus, emotional regulation, transitions, impulsivity, or following multi-step instructions. Because of this, adapting to and maintaining routines can take longer and require a different approach.
So, how can you help your neurodivergent child build a routine that works for them?
The key is to recognise that every child is unique. What works well for one child may not work at all for another. It’s about tuning into how your child processes the world, and co-creating a system that meets their needs, not just yours.
Here are some practical ways to support them:
1. Talk through the routine together.
Explain the steps and clarify what truly needs to be done versus what might be a preference or expectation. For example, is making the bed a necessity - or could it be skipped if it causes stress? Keep communication open and be willing to adapt.
2. Listen to their preferences and struggles.
Ask what parts of the day are hardest. Why do they resist showering in the morning? Could it be the noise, the temperature, or sensory overstimulation? Sometimes, simply switching a task - like moving bathtime to the evening - can make a big difference.
3. Build a flexible routine.
Rigid structures often don’t work for neurodivergent children. Flexibility allows them to feel more in control and reduces anxiety. Collaborate to find what works best and be open to trying different approaches over time.
4. Support executive functioning challenges.
If your child struggles with time management, break the morning down into manageable chunks: What time should they wake up? How long does each task take? When do they need to be ready by? Visual schedules, timers, or checklists can be incredibly helpful here.
Taking this thoughtful, individualised approach helps your child feel seen, heard, and supported. It creates a foundation of trust and self-awareness that they can build on as they grow.
Remember, the goal isn’t to force your child into a routine that works for you, but to co-create one that helps them feel confident, capable, and calm. The time you invest now in understanding and supporting their needs could be the difference between them struggling or thriving as an adolescent.
You’re not just teaching them how to follow a routine - you’re teaching them how to understand and advocate for themselves. And that’s a lifelong gift.
Peace & Blessings,