Supporting Neurodiverse Children with Maintaining Positive Friendship Groups
Positive Frienship Group
Why Friendships Can Be Extra Complex for Neurodiverse Kids
Raising a neurodiverse child means constantly watching them navigate a world that doesn’t quite get them — and nowhere is that more obvious than in friendships. For many kids, friends are everything. It’s where they feel seen, included, and like they belong. But for our kids, it’s rarely that simple. Social groups can feel confusing and draining. Instead of a place to relax and be themselves, it can feel like they’ve got to work twice as hard just to fit in — and even then, it often feels like they’re still getting it wrong.
As a parent to an ADHD’er, I’ve encouraged my daughter to speak her mind and advocate for herself. But as she gets older, I’ve seen how her directness sometimes affects her friendships. She might say exactly what she thinks, without realising how her words land.
That’s the tension — you want your child to stay true to themselves, but also be socially aware enough to build meaningful, lasting friendships. Should we teach them to tone themselves down to fit in? Or support them in being themselves and risk rejection or isolation?
It’s a tough balance — until you realise: Why should a neurodiverse child have to change who they are to fit a world not designed for them?
The Difference Between Being Alone and Feeling Lonely
Society rarely considers the emotional toll of children constantly adapting to fit in. Many neurodiverse kids need time alone — not because they’re antisocial, but because it’s where they can truly be themselves. It’s not about loneliness; it’s about decompression.
I’ve seen this in my daughter. After a school day filled with socialising, she needs quiet time to recharge before engaging with family again.
Still, there’s a fine line between enjoying solitude and feeling isolated. Some kids internalise the message that they’re “too different” to belong — and that can damage their confidence and ability to form healthy relationships. Often, it’s not that they struggle to connect — it’s that they’re misunderstood and lack support.
Coaching Your Child Through Social Situations (Without Controlling Them)
The goal isn't to micromanage how our children behave socially — it's to open up safe, meaningful conversations that help them understand themselves and others better.
Forget the standard “How was your day?” Instead, try getting curious. Ask them:
· What made you laugh today?
· Did anything feel awkward or confusing?
· What do you wish someone had understood?
All kids — not just neurodiverse ones — tend to say “I’m fine.” But connection comes when we dig a little deeper. Understanding their internal world helps us guide them in ways that respect who they are, rather than trying to fix them.
Building Social Confidence from the Inside Out
Confidence doesn’t come from fitting in — it comes from self-acceptance. And for neurodiverse children, who often feel pressure to conform, that internal confidence is even more important.
Instead of pushing them toward group acceptance, help them build self-worth through what they enjoy. Hobbies, creativity, and special interests offer both a confidence boost and a way to connect with like-minded peers on their own terms.
Helping Neurotypical Kids Understand Neurodiversity
While the world isn’t always built for neurodiverse kids, many neurotypical peers are open to understanding and supporting them — especially when we give both groups the tools to communicate.
We can teach our children how to advocate for themselves without changing who they are. My daughter, for example, has learned to use gentle “disclaimers” in conversation, for example:
· “I don’t mean to sound harsh, but…”
· “This might come out wrong, but I’m trying to explain it the best way I know how.”
· “I didn’t mean to upset you — that wasn’t my intention.”
These simple statements don’t water her down — they help her be understood.
It also helps to reframe what friendship looks like. Not everyone needs (or wants) a huge group. If your child can identify two or three friends they feel good around, that’s worth nurturing — quality over quantity.
Friendships Takes Practice — And That’s Okay
The truth is, even as adults, maintaining deep friendships is hard. Many of us can count our closest friends on one hand.
Explaining this to children can help take the pressure off. Yes, the friendship drama at school feels like everything to them — and it matters — but we can also gently show them that not every connection will last, and that’s okay.
Real friendship — the kind where your child feels safe, seen, and fully themselves — is worth the wait. For neurodivergent kids, the journey may look different, but with your support, they don’t have to walk it alone.
Stay curious. Keep the conversations going. Be the safe space they can always come home to. And if you need support navigating this too — you're not alone. Programs like Neurodivergent Summers exist to help you and your child thrive, not just survive.
Peace & Blessings,