Supporting Neurodiverse Children with New/Unfamiliar Experiences
Positive Frienship Group
“Being neurodiverse doesn’t come with an instruction guide, it comes with a family who will never give up” — CDC
New experiences can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent children, which can be linked to the executive function skill - flexibility.
Many neurodiverse children prefer and thrive off a routine. Routines are predictable, comfortable and children feel safe as they are aware of what is happening next.
Even fun experiences like a friend’s birthday party can overwhelm a neurodivergent child. Their nervous system becomes overloaded, which triggers the Fight, Flight, Freeze response, which results in behaviours such as (and not limited to) withdrawal, aggression, covering their ears or shutting down. It is important to note that these are not ‘bad behaviours’ as some may say – these are just responses to unmet needs.
Neurodiverse children can be overwhelmed by sensory systems (noise, smells, crowds) – and although it may appear exciting to the predominant neurotype, it may feel threatening to the neurodiverse child.
Common Types of Unfamiliar Experiences That May Be Difficult
There are a handful of everyday experiences a neurodiverse child will face that may trigger them to feel overstimulated, which include:
- Starting a new school or changing classrooms
- Family outings, birthday parties, holidays
- Haircuts, Drs Visits, Supermarket shops
With these, although they may be unfamiliar at first, it can be a little less stressful preparing your neurodiverse child for these as they are places you yourself may be familiar with.
Introducing these will be much easier than managing unexpected or last-minute changes to new places or new faces.
How to Prepare in Advance
There are several ways we can support our children, especially when we know what they need support with.
However, before anything else, explaining the event or experience will allow them to start visually processing. Social stories and visual aids can help in showing what will happen. Using photos or videos will give a greater depth of understanding, along with using a calendar so they can process how long until the event and even breaking down the experience into small, predictable steps.
Parents can role play or act it out at home, to further support understanding, and talking through ‘what if’ scenarios. You may find your child will ask plenty of questions around ‘what if’ – and this is where you can introduce any sensory supports (e.g. headphones, fidgets, weighted items).
Talking about the event will also help them to understand the purpose of the event – why they’re having to go, what they might benefit.
Let me give you a real example of how unpredictable these moments can be…
Support in the Moment
Understanding your child’s needs means knowing what sensory supports you will bring, and they will most likely be familiar with these. But what if things go awry?
I recently found myself in this moment with my ADHD’er.
She was participating in an engineering course, where she and her team designed and built a go-kart, to be used in a competition against other schools.
On the day of the event, upon arriving to the complex and seeing the racetrack, she began to have a meltdown.
“What if I crash?” “What if I come last?” was all she could focus on. Within seconds, she found herself not wanting to participate in the race.
We used our deep breathing technique, to which she calmed down, and we decided we would see how the day goes and make a final decision later.
Watching her friend’s race, she plucked up the courage to give it a go.
As she put on her overalls, and began to slide the helmet over her head, her nervous system went into flight mode. As her heartrate increased and panic started to set in, she immediately took the helmet off stating she was feeling claustrophobic.
Her eyes welled up as she felt (what she described as) the sinking feeling of disappointment.
Myself, other mums and her teacher praised her for being brave for trying, for still being a part of the team, but more importantly, for having the awareness to recognise that this wasn’t for her.
Taking her aside, I gave her the space for tears, and space to reflect. She explained that the suit was too tight, and the helmet made her feel as though she couldn’t breathe. Although she had built up the courage to try, she noticed the sensory overload was too much for her – AND THAT WAS OK.
It was one of our biggest breakthrough moments as many times prior, she hasn’t been able to recognise the overwhelming feeling until it’s too late.
And this is where our support as parents comes in.
How to Stay Regulated as the Parent
Your calm becomes their calm; therefore, co-regulation starts with you. If you become dysregulated, or your child even senses your panic, they too start to dysregulate. The best thing you can do is prepare yourself for possible resistance or meltdowns.
I love the saying ‘this too shall pass’ – it’s what holds me down when my child is overwhelmed and not knowing how to manage.
It centres me to a space to remember I need to stay present, and that this situation will soon pass. Just like a cloud passing through the sky, her feeling overstimulated and wanting to fight or fly – I have to be the emotional regulator to bring her back to calm. For that moment in time, what I is irrelevant.
Our jobs as parents is to validate their feelings, even if their reaction seems ‘too big’. Acknowledging their bravery and courage is huge to their self-esteem and emotional well-being. Letting them know that they tried, that they did their best, and reflecting on what felt good and what felt hard allows them to recognise that discomfort is not failure – it’s growth in progress.
How to Talk to Your Child About New Experiences
Even if you’re doing all the right preparation, open communication makes a big difference.
Here’s how to help your child feel safe and seen before something new:
Use Emotionally Honest Language: “I know new things can feel a bit scary. I’m going to help you every step of the way”
Set clear expectations (but with flexibility): “We’ll stay for 30 minutes and then check in – if you want to leave, we can”
Let them lead some of the plan: “What would help you feel calm? Do you want to bring your headphones or take breaks?”
Build in exit strategies: Letting them know they can step away reduces pressure – and prevents total shutdowns
Use stories and models: Books, photos or videos of similar events give context and make the unknown feel more familiar
Supporting a neurodivergent child through new experiences takes patience, empathy, and a deep commitment to understanding their needs — even when plans don’t go as expected. Every meltdown, pause, or step back is not a setback, but part of their learning. And with every gentle conversation, every sensory tool you pack, and every moment you stay calm when they cannot — you’re showing them that it’s safe to try. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly. Especially when it doesn’t.
Peace & Blessings,